Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was CRYING into my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got inside last night via doggy door
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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