You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
