so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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