Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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