my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
