One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
