the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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