how can u be prego again
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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