yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
