Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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