It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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