Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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