i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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