I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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