I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They have beer where we have blood.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
