just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
