Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize