I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made out with two different species that night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
