she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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