I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
