Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
