Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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