brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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