you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
