i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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