I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
