East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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