my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
