38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
