sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize