he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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