New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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