The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
