he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
this hospital has no fireball
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
