I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
