god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
