She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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