Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
