If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
