I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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