currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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