The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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