ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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