he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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