I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize