Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
