Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
