He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
