I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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