I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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