KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
