I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
