I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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