what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
