Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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