At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
