At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
