Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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