It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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