Jerry, you need to find god
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
