he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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